This morning my prayer took the form of a poem… which even rhymes… It’s been long time since I wrote poetry so it may be a bit clumsy… but it’s inspired and brought me joy to write it… so I hope it brings you a bit of joy today as well!!
I’ve heard it said a number of times – to “love your neighbor as yourself” you must first love yourself. I’ve often struggled with this idea of loving myself in a way that doesn’t feel conceited or egotistical. The other day when I was pondering this, a new way of looking at it came to me…
When I was a little kid, my family and friends called me Kimi (well, they all spelled it differently at the time – some Kimmy, others Kimmie – but I like this spelling so I’m going to stick to it).
I’ve recently been helping out a family friend who knew me when I was little and apparently refers to me as Kimi to her friends that I’ve also been helping , are so now they are all calling me Kimi… and it got me thinking about my childhood self… little Kimi Hedge.
What if I thought about just loving little Kimi… the little kid that was pretty smart (though really had to work at the good grades sometimes), athletic, good at art… and yet really awkward at times. She was never one of the popular or cool kids … and spent years vacillating between wanting to be like everyone else and fit in, and then wanting not to be like everyone else and stand out. I thought about how this kid loved summer camp and was full of life there, and wanted everyone else to love it just as much. This kid was daring and brave and creative… and klutzy… and often had terrible haircuts.
I just started to love this little kid in all her adorableness and awkwardness (and great outfits) and all the rest. And I began to see her as God sees each one of us – as Her beloved child… innocent, joyful, free… and to love her just as God loves her.
Well then I decided maybe it’s not bad to be called Kimi again… to remind me of that great, awkward, funny little kid… and to embrace my natural childlikeness even now… my innocence, purity, childlike joy and freedom.
And then, when I go to love my neighbor as myself… I can love the little child they were and truly still are… the child of God. And I can apply this even to people I don’t agree with or have much in common with… because we were all innocent little kids once. And we are all God’s children – always. So how can you see yourself and others as God’s child and love them as yourself?
Sometimes in life it can seem like everything is good and going well and the next minute or hour or day, that is a distant memory and doubt or fear or frustration or other negative thinking creeps in and takes over. I remember this happening once when I was feeling down and talking to a friend, whom I had spoken too just hours before when things were great and he said, “Seriously – what changed??”
What he meant was that if we know that God, Good, Love is the source of all good and the true, constant and permanent source of our joy and peace – what could change? I know God to be the source of joy and peace and that those are qualities we inherently possess, because we were created in God’s image and likeness (according to Genesis 1). So they are a part of us and must be constant and permanent because those are also qualities of God that we reflect. I thought of his comment about “what changed” one morning as I was trying to figure out how the day before I went from having a great day to a lousy evening.
That day, I was so sure of my source of good and joy and felt totally at peace when I started my day, and that carried throughout my day of service work. But then in the evening I chatted with a different friend who said some things that really bothered and frustrated me, and then I got mad and down on myself for being so bothered and frustrated… and in all this my thought was definitely not very focused on God, my true source of good.
So while reflecting back on this, I came across this statement from Mary Baker Eddy which appeared in that week’s Bible lesson:
“Thou shalt have no other gods before me.” (Exodus xx. 3.) The First Commandment is my favorite text. It demonstrates Christian Science. It inculcates the tri-unity of God, Spirit, Mind; it signifies that man shall have no other spirit or mind but God, eternal good, and that all men shall have one Mind. The divine Principle of the First Commandment bases the Science of being, by which man demonstrates health, holiness, and life eternal.Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, p. 340
I thought about the first commandment in a different way… what was it that I making another god? Was I saying that this friend who had said those things was my source of joy or peace (and they failed)? Wouldn’t that be attributing power, cause, source to something other than the one all-powerful, all-loving God?
When I realized that, I started to feel more peaceful and more joyful. I realized that this person had no control over my happiness. And the more I focused on God, as the true source of joy, the more I felt closer to God and more at peace. So now I’m on the lookout for what I might be making false gods – friends, sleep, money, home… basically anything that at any moment I give power to or think of as my source of some quality – love, energy, supply, peace… and turning it around to realize that God is our ultimate source of all good.
What are you making a false god?
Over the years I have done a lot of thinking and praying about my mission and purpose in life. I have even written and article and recorded a podcast about it (see below)… But it is interesting that even since recording that podcast last spring (even though it just came out early this September), it is interesting to reflect on how that has changed or shifted, ever so slightly yet significantly in the past six months…
This summer I had the wonderful opportunity to work with over 100 children and young people both at a summer camp in the US and on a service trip to Costa Rica. While serving as a Christian Science Practitioner and support healing in both venues, I discovered that my greatest calling within that space is to help people, especially young people, know that they are loved by Love and worthy of love. That God’s love for each one of us is unconditional… God’s grace is that unmerited, unearned outpouring of love to us each and every moment. And that it is for us to realize and recognize that it is there and remove whatever obstacles that stand in our way of feeling the warmth, comfort, provision and protection of that ever-present, divine Love.
In the weeks leading up to this current adventure of taking my practice on the road on the each coast of the US for a few months, I had wondered what the “why” was behind it all. I felt inspired and led to follow the inspiration to embark on this journey, but I wrestled to understand why Love was leading me to embrace this nomadic lifestyle and wanted to know the purpose or outcome. During this time, I was supporting a friend who was struggling to understand their purpose in life. And I recalled a conversation where we talked about how our entire purpose whether we are employed or not, or traveling or still, is to learn more about God… learn more about Love and how to express love to our fellow man more selflessness, more generously, more graciously…
Well, as per usual, I am good at seeing how to help others but sometimes less so for myself. Until one evening, I was at church in testimony meeting and someone shared something about their journey and experience that made me realize that the same truth I was sharing with my friend also applied to me, and this journey. And while I know my overall purpose in life… it is the same for this adventure. So, I am daily learning more about God and how that unconditional love of Love provides for each one of us. I get to learn day by day how that shows up for me in the form of home, community, supply, place, and opportunities to be of service. It’s been a lesson in leaning in and trusting the Divine completely and being ok with the unknown.
I’ve found it sometimes a struggle, and sometimes a fun challenge/opportunity to answer the question “where do you live?” Or “where are you visiting from?” And the other day a friend laughed when I was asked “what’s next?” and I answered, “Well I will be in NYC for the weekend…” But at the time, I didn’t know where I would be after that. And my friend seemed kind of in awe of the fact that I only knew where I would for the upcoming weekend.
If I’m honest, there are moments when it weighs on me a lot not knowing what’s next … but then I look back and wonder why I was so concerned, and didn’t trust more, when it all works out in the most beautiful, harmonious way… and always way better than what I could have imagined. So I am really taking to heart Jesus’ words…
That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing?(Matthew 6:25)
So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.(Matthew 6:34)
And of course, that situation turned out like the others… the answer was there just when it was needed. I had a better “home” that I could have hoped for the following weeks… and it just continues to unfold each week, each day in the mossed blessed way. I am so very grateful.
From the Christian Science Perspectives section of the September 30, 2019 issue of the Christian Science Monitor
When we are willing to go where God, Love, leads us, this opens the way for our lives to unfold in increasingly fulfilling and purposeful ways.
A podcast with Tony Lobl, Eric Bashor, and Kim Hedge – September 9, 2019 – Sentinel Watch
In this edition of Sentinel Watch, we ask what really constitutes living the life you want to live. Our guests discuss their careers and how listening for God’s guidance has led them on an adventurous and meaningful path that has increasingly clarified and brought into focus their real life purpose.
Another term for the Lord or God is Love… as stated in 1 John – God is Love.
God Is Love
7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. …11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.1 John 4: 7-8, 11-12
So it seems to me that if we commit ourselves to Love and trust in Love, then Love will bring it to pass, Love will help us and show us the way… So if we commit to seeing and loving each other, as God sees and loves each one of us – unconditionally… then there is nothing love cannot solve, or bring about in a harmonious way.